Bit Twenty-Six

Each week, new families of refugees move into Atlanta. Working at World Relief allow me to be one of the first people to make them feel more at ease with their new environment. Usually, I'm excited to meet new families. I've gotten to know quite a few wonderful people who share so many different experiences.

However, a couple of weeks ago, I met a family that I was hesitant to see again. Sasha (not her real name) and her three daughters moved from Africa, and the drama began the day they arrived. It's understandable that refugees are fearful of their new surroundings, given the danger they lived in back home. Despite the reassurances of the case worker who brought them home, they were very unhappy with their new place to live. They were afraid of the noises outside and the neighbors. So, for the next couple of days, they made sure World Relief was aware of their discomfort, and the fact that four woman should be much more taken care of than anyone else.

I had heard of Sasha's persistence, so I was prepared when I drove them to the doctor's office for their immunizations. The whole drive, I listened to her talking about the problems she had back home - how polluted and crowded it was. She spoke of how beautiful America is. Thinking she had gotten beyond her fears, I asked her about her new apartment. Soon, I was listening to the stories she had heard of "refugee" communities in America. I'm not sure where she had heard them, but I was frustrated with her ignorance. I asked her to please stop talking about a community of people she had never met, people who are also searching for a new life of peace in America. She wasn't convinced.

After arriving at their apartment, I was again explained the security problems - only two locks on the door and no bars on the windows. At this point, I thought I could use our common beliefs to reassure her. I asked her if she was Muslim. Yes, she is. So, I explained that if we believe God is greater than Iblis (the Devil), then we do not have to fear evil. Fearing is not believe in God's power. She returned with "if we are not smart and take care of ourselves, God cannot protect us." I tried again by saying that we need to give God control and trust Him to protect us. She replied, "yes, but we must be smart." Ok.

Before I left, Sasha made a comment about her oldest daughter's appearance. I said that all of her daughters are beautiful girls. "They will be, once they get a good American education." I was shocked. I replied with, "They're all very pretty right now." Again, with the last word, "They will be."

That was it. It was too frustrating to hang out with them. I'll admit I hoped I would never have to visit them again. No such luck. The next week, I was asked to take them shopping. I decided this time I would keep my mouth shut and just listen. When I got to their apartment, I was greeted with a big smile from Sasha. She was delighted to see me again, and asked me to sit and have some breakfast. I never turn down food, because this is my opportunity to try something authentic and new. This was no exception - toast with spreadable cheese and "tea" made with hot milk, hot water, and instant coffee. Yum! With my mouth full, I listened to Sasha share more about her life in Africa. Then, she pulled out some pictures to show me. They were her wedding pictures. She was beautifully dressed in traditional clothing. I asked where her husband was, and she sadly explained that he had been shot to death back home. All of a sudden, I became soberly aware of this family's situation. Here, I had been frustrated because of Sasha's lack of trust, and I had failed to realize the tremendous shift I was expecting her to make mentally and emotionally.

Sometimes firmness is appropriate, but I'm realizing that a closed mouth and an open heart is probably more successful.