Bit Twenty-Two

I spent 3 hours in a doctor's office waiting room this afternoon. And it wasn't the first time. Since I started working with World Relief, I've been running a lot of time-consuming errands every Thursday. It's not quite what I was expecting when I signed up for this internship. I figured I would be busy running around doing odd jobs, but quick ones that kept me on my toes and gave me a good amount of knowledge about refugee resettlement. I didn't plan on driving 20 minutes to a doctor's office with a woman who doesn't speak any English so that I could wait for 3 hours before they call her in to get a shot that takes 5 minutes and then drive her home.

Now, before you think this is me complaining, let me stop here. I have lived a life that has almost always taught me that my expectations are no good. And this year has taught me that over and over. And today was not exception. Because who can say that they get to just sit for 3 hours of their day and make a little boy laugh? I may not have been filling out important paperwork, or making important calls, or discussing important issues, but if I didn't take the time, then who would have taken a Somali refugee and her son to the doctor for immunization shots? It's not ground-breaking, but it's also not high-stress. And I got such enjoyment from listening to little Walad (not his real name) giggle every time I tickled under his arm and watching him find such joy in taking pictures of strangers with my camera phone. No, it's not what I expected, but it's less stressful, and it's what needs to be done. Someone's gotta do it!

Bit Twenty-One

This past week has left me quite exhausted, and when I look back on it, I get the urge to call myself a failure. I don't know if you've experienced something similar, but it's not pleasant. When I think about the work I want to be doing while I'm living in Atlanta, this past week is a disappointment and a black spot on my record during my year of service to my community.

It all began on a pretty good note. I took a trip out to Oshokosh, WI with the Conyers Pathfinders. (Pathfinders is like a coed boy/girl scouts club with an emphasis on living a God-centered life, in order to become a better leader in their community.)

I was very much looking forward to this adventure, since I thought it would allow me some opportunities to develop stronger relationships with some of the youth Josh works with. Plus, Josh was going as well, so this would be our first camping trip together!

The 14-hour drive seemed to go by pretty fast, and we soon joined the 35,000 teens and youth leaders who had come from all over the world for the International Pathfinder Camporee! Red Flag #1: Since when is a "camping trip" fun when you're camping with thousands of youth groups?

I soon realized that this trip was not what I had signed up for. First of all, the longer I went without air conditioning, a normal shower, and my own bed, the crankier I got. Waking up for breakfast at 6am each morning meant that a couple times I forgot my morning appointment with God. And I could never seem to get used to the smell of the out-houses. When you add to this the challenges of counseling a group of teenagers, and a team of leaders who each have their own idea of how each situation should be handled, it created the perfect opportunity for frustration.

I noticed myself gradually becoming more and more critical of the behavior of the youth, the leadership, and myself. It was an aweful downward spiral that led me to the point where I wasn't enjoying myself, and I'm sure I wasn't making the trip any more enjoyable for others. By the end of the week, I was so tired and ready to go home that I had a hard time carrying on a pleasant conversation with anyone.

How discouraging! I had gone on the trip so that I could build relationships, support the Pathfinder group, and show my "fun side"! Instead, I became easily annoyed, silently bitter, and withdrew when I could.

I'm glad I was able to have this experience because now I know I will never put myself in that situation again, and I now have a new found respect for Josh's ministry.

Thankfully, I serve a God of forgiveness and mercy. He has forgiven me for my weakness and for allowing the devil to fill my heart with contempt rather than love. I am not proud of the way I handled this past week, but I hope to move on and pursue a joyful heart of service for others, to which God calls me.