It all began on a pretty good note. I took a trip out to Oshokosh, WI with the Conyers Pathfinders. (Pathfinders is like a coed boy/girl scouts club with an emphasis on living a God-centered life, in order to become a better leader in their community.)I was very much looking forward to this adventure, since I thought it would allow me some opportunities to develop stronger relationships with some of the youth Josh works with. Plus, Josh was going as well, so this would be our first camping trip together!
The 14-hour drive seemed to go by pretty fast, and we soon joined the 35,000 teens and youth leaders who had come from all over the world for the International Pathfinder Camporee! Red Flag #1: Since when is a "camping trip" fun when you're camping with thousands of youth groups? I soon realized that this trip was not what I had signed up for. First of all, the longer I went without air conditioning, a normal shower, and my own bed, the crankier I got. Waking up for breakfast at 6am each morning meant that a couple times I forgot my morning appointment with God. And I could never seem to get used to the smell of the out-houses. When you add to this the challenges of counseling a group of teenagers, and a team of leaders who each have their own idea of how each situation should be handled, it created the perfect opportunity for frustration.
I noticed myself gradually becoming more and more critical of the behavior of the youth, the leadership, and myself. It was an aweful downward spiral that led me to the point where I wasn't enjoying myself, and I'm sure I wasn't making the trip any more enjoyable for others. By the end of the week, I was so tired and ready to go home that I had a hard time carrying on a pleasant conversation with anyone.
How discouraging! I had gone on the trip so that I could build relationships, support the Pathfinder group, and show my "fun side"! Instead, I became easily annoyed, silently bitter, and withdrew when I could.
I'm glad I was able to have this experience because now I know I will never put myself in that situation again, and I now have a new found respect for Josh's ministry.
Thankfully, I serve a God of forgiveness and mercy. He has forgiven me for my weakness and for allowing the devil to fill my heart with contempt rather than love. I am not proud of the way I handled this past week, but I hope to move on and pursue a joyful heart of service for others, to which God calls me.
The children of Israel were a whiney, belligerent, disrespectful bunch. Moses was an amazing man of God who lost his temper and must have been incredibly relieved when his "camping trip" was over. Fortunately God understands and loves each of us - even in our failings and weakness. You are in very good company. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, I love it. So honest. I have been in these kinds of situations every week. Brittany if you go again you will have such a better time because you will have learned from your mistakes. At times we tend to run from situations that reveal our weaknesses but lately I have been not ignoring them but welcoming them. God is changing you into a strong leader but you can't get there if there isn't some frustration along the way. Remember when we are weak then he is strong. It's easy to feel happy in situations where everything is comfortable and enjoyable but when we can feel happy when everything is going wrong then we can sing praises to God just like paul in prison. Take heart my friend God loves you very much and we are young.... to become a diamond we will have to go through the fire!
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